I feel bored with my life. Right now, I empathise with all the other 40 – 50 year olds who are going through a mid life crisis; wondering what they’re doing with their life? Where has their youth gone? Was all the hard work worth it? The sad thing is, I’m 23. I still have many years to go before I even come close to experiencing a mid life crisis at an appropriate age. Yet, I identify strongly with these questions – the whole youth thing included – and have been mulling over them for a least a couple of months now.
I love my life. I have a rare, beautiful love with my boyfriend, amazing friends and an incredible family with a quirky (read: strange and sometimes inappropriate) humour. I finished my university degree with Honours and loved it – much to my mother’s amusement -and found a field that I am dying to enter. Yet somehow, I am unsatisfied. I feel as though I am ‘frozen’ in place, and struggle to make any real progress towards my ideas and passions.
My lack of Internet at home and urgent desire to answer emails found me working at the Town of Vincent library. It was here, that I stumbled upon Richard Branson’s audiobook “Screw it, Let’s Do it.” I’m always looking for ways to work more efficiently, and figured listening to it while I was driving was a good way to encounter a book I would never normally read. I was incredibly surprised and impressed by the Richard Branson and his book – it was engaging, funny and inspirational. I would love to get a paperback version, so I can highlight some of the things he said that resonated with me. It was around this time that I began to realise what had happened to me – I had become old and scared.
I had gotten lax. I had stopped growing and developing, and was scared to attempt new things. What could I be scared of? Shitloads! I was scared of being rejected, of failing, of being outdated and replaced, of being ineffective, of being stuck in a job that I hated, of losing my ideals and values to a cruel and bitter world. I had let the fear reign for far too long, and it had become an unfortunate ally of mine. I lacked the fun and exhilaration I used to have, and my life had become boring. My knee jerk reaction was to run away to a challenging and inspiring holiday in a far off land, but I don’t have enough money. It wouldn’t create any long term changes anyway, and it wasn’t an effective solution. I need to use this as an opportunity to learn and develop – to be free and daring at home, and to be unafraid of myself.
I will be challenging myself and documenting these experiments here. Peter and I have been speaking about the extreme things we’ve always wanted to do, and I need to make sure we actually do them. Life is about more than weight, hand bags and ladder climbing.
It’s like Yoda always said – “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate – leads to suffering.”